Mi Amiga

When I was younger, I never understood why my elders would warn that the older I got, the smaller my friendship circle would shrink. In fact, hearing it angered me because at the time the many girls that I called “friends” seemed to share experiences with me that would bond us for a lifetime. I was always known to have different groups of friendship circles to match the many faucets of my diverse personality. However, sadly the reality of what those elders warned proved to be true as years passed by…

 

The saying “season, reason, lifetime” does in fact hold true to those many people who at one point & time we couldn’t imagine our lives without. Through the ups and downs of life, I’ve learned that some bonds will grow closer as others become more faint and distant. Back in the day my thought process was that if we are no longer close friends, then that means we’ve become enemies or that we don’t like one another for a particular reason that could not be resolved. However, I’ve matured enough to know that just because you aren’t as close to someone you once considered a dear friend doesn’t mean there is strife between the two of you—it just simply means your season/reason for that particular bond has passed. The love can forever remain in both your hearts, but the bond may not be or ever return to all that it was before. I've also learned that as we grow older, the dynamics of the friendship may change. Meaning just because we don't speak as often, that doesn't mean we don't love and respect one another or have each other's backs. After several cycles of friendships I realize that this isn’t something to get sad or angry over, it’s just a simple fact of life. I’ve also learned through trial and error how to identify when a friendship season/reason has taken its course.  As I reflect back on the bond I may have shared with that person, I can see the lesson/s that God was trying to teach me or areas he wanted to strengthen me. And for those lessons, I am forever grateful for the people, experiences and bonds that I was fortunate enough to encounter.

 

As the seasons change and the ups and downs of life come and then go, we must know that life will bring some people close and push others away. But in the end we have a choice to make. That choice is whether we choose to forever love and cherish the old bonds as we grow past them and make new ones, or whether we hold strife and resentment over the fact the season/reason has passed. When we make the choice to love despite of and deny strife/resentment, we are holding true to the lessons learned and wisdom gained as we continue our journey through life.

 

So ladies, as we get older and our circles shrink, I implore you to do the following:

·     Accept when those season/reasons in life have come to certain friendships

·     Take time to reflect on the life lessons and strength gained through that bond

·     Choose to forgive and forever love despite of…

·     Keep living---learning & growing!

 

With love,

tee 

"He Say-She Feel" The Saga of Unlabeled Relationships

Ok, so the very first T-SPEAKK topic ever created involved the heated and often controversial topic revolving around ReLaTiOnShiPs. So I thought, “why not kick off the re-awakening on that same note?!” Especially since a close guy friend of mine is currently twisted up, tied up and tangled up in a love TKO as we speak… So here’s the dealy-o…

 

How many times have you heard a guy describe his relationship with a female that he’s dating as “we’re just kickin’ it” or better yet “we’re just friends?”  However, as an outsider looking in, and a grown-up you are well aware that there is more going on than kicking it & a little friendliness.  Well I would like to address the “He Say, She feel” theory of unlabeled relationships... Because despite knowing how this scenario often plays out, the saga & vicious cycle still continues. With this I mean that a man will tell a woman, “we’re just kickin’ it” or “I’m not looking for a relationship,” but because intimate acts take place or time is spent, the female forgets what he said, and opts for what she feels... This resulting in hurt feelings-- broken hearts-- and misunderstandings.

 

For a long time I blamed men for being selfish and self-centered and even accused them of playing games by leading females on. But then one day I had to say “wait a minute-- females need to take a man’s word for face value and quit playing themselves.”  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating that men are justified for their actions within many of these cases, however, I do think it’s time that women wise up!  It’s time to realize that it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for a WOMAN to be intimate with a MAN and NOT develop feelings that lead to a desire for a committed relationship. (A relationship that he clearly stated he is not looking for or ready to engage.) I do understand that there is that small percentage of women who deem themselves mature enough to handle the emotions of intimacy and take the relationship for face value, but the majority is the opposite.

 

This topic may sound old and taboo, but unfortunately this is still happening to women who are 30+ years of age. And honestly, my heart hurts for them. It reminds me of a quote I’ve been hearing a lot lately, “When a person tells/shows you who they are—BELIEVE THEM!” Despite countless self-help books old & new this cycle carries on. (ie. He’s Just Not That Into You; Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man)

 

So I’m really curious to hear other perspectives regarding this. Ladies/fellas—why does this “He Say, She Feel” saga continue to twist, tie & tangle up people that we all know???  Maybe I can help my friend out with your insight as well!

The rE-aWaKeNiNg

Sooo, after 5 long years of allowing technology to pass me by-- I finally decided to awaken T-SPEAKK, which I created July of 2004. Through the original T-SPEAKK I would share my view on topics with my friends and allow them to "reply all" via e-mail.   Some may remember, but my 1st featured topic was "How long is too long," which referred to the time a man should date a woman before proposing, or rather how long should a woman wait for a man to propose. The topic sparked such a huge response with opposing views that I carried on to the Kayne West/Free controversy that was the "talk."

At that time blogging was not a popular trend. Hec, I didn't even know that the topic discussions I was creating was considered blogging. All I knew is that I wanted a way for my friends and others I knew to exchange thoughts on various topics. I can't believe how quickly those 5 years went by! And even after several friends urged me to bring T-SPEAKK back, I sat quietly,  instead journaling my thoughts about my life and the world around me while the blog world blossomed.

Well, those quiet moments have ceased and T-SPEAKK has returned! So get ready to hear my views and feel free to share yours too!